There are things we should not do. There just are, right?
Last Sunday while I lay sleeping on the big red couch I was suddenly awakened by a loud crash, the sound of breaking glass and subsequent yelling. People where shouting and running. I, on the other hand having lived in Oakland know the drill, stayed low to the ground and decided to mind my own business. In the coming minutes I would hear sirens and see flashing lights. All of course from my cozy, dark apartment. I never understand neighbors that gather around when something happens.
As the evening progresses I discover that what my grandmother said it true, “Hell hath not fury like a woman burned”. My neighbor, whom I shall now and forever more refer to as Mista, lover lover, has pissed off some chick so much that she got in a car, drove over and threw a brick into his window.
I know what you’re thinking – right? Who would do such a thing and why right? But that isn’t even the worst part. A police officer just happened to be riding his bike in front of our complex when this all occurred. Of course he jumped off his bike and tackled the scorned lover, called for back up and the speedy El Cerrito cops swiftly arrested her 2 friends, 2 chicas waiting in the car up the street. SMH, the entire time.
When I asked Mista what he thought of all of this, he said they were not dating, just doing some other business. Uhmm. Mmmm. Rolling my eyes.
So this brings me to things I never thought I’d do, yes some are so shameful that I can’t even write them:
1. Stay in a relationship too long because the possibility of heading out into the dating pool again makes me want to drown.
2. Eat more food than a truck driver.
3. Dye my hair.
You get the point, I’ll add more later. Feel free to add your own acts of shame.
I don’t need to add my own act of shame – as I accomplished your #1. For 6 looooooong years! Finally, I decided that swimming in the fresh meat pool would be better than being on death row!