10. That fat meat really is greasy
9. Who shot John? All these years I thought she was mistaken and she meant who shot JR?
8. That Prince Charming doesn’t have to Black.*
7. That sometimes life would hurt so much that it hurts to breathe and how to survive.
6. How to say no gracefully and not fuck you.
5. Jealousy is never pretty
4. You can pick your family
3. That work can be hazardous to your health
2. There is a limit to how much cushin’ you really need for pushin’
1. Money really doesn’t grow on trees, no Virginia not even in France.
Please feel free to add any advise your mother forgot to give you too.
10 things I wished my mother had told me…hummmm, that’s a hard one since my mother talks quite a bit…AND knows just about EVERYTHING!
My ten are:
10. Once you enter into the “real world” there’s no turning back.
9. That later in life you can’t barter your in laws for dirty martinis…so pick your mate carefully!
8. Food really isn’t the key to a man’s heart.
7. When you marry, you marry an entire family!
6. That, no you will not feel like dancing, singing, swimming, or riding a damn horse on the beach like the happy white girls on the tampon commercials, when you are on your cycle.
5. Bills are like roaches…they don’t die!
4. Fat meat indeed is greasy…(okay she told me this…but I didn’t get it at the time…I do now!)
3. One day you will look around at your family and wonder why you got picked to be a part of them…(you can’t pick your family…just gotta love them, I guess)
2. Medical history (and this is a serious one)
1. And this one is noted and well documented…that a single toddler child can say the word mommy 73.5 times in less than 1 minute! It’s true people, it’s true!